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Absentee ballot

It’s polling day in Clacton-on-Sea, when voters get their long-awaited opportunity to exercise their democratic right and choose their MP.

Judging by the pictures here, Douglas Carswell enjoyed his visit to the polling booth, apparently to vote for himself.

There’s just one problem: Carswell isn’t actually eligible to vote in the constituency.

As embittered former colleagues have enjoyed pointing out in recent days, the defector’s main residence is in Fulham, while the place he rents closer to his workplace – and lists on the by-election nomination form – is in fact in Bernard Jenkin’s Harwich and North Essex constituency.

Still, thumbs up, eh?

Clacton-on-Seabiscuit

If you're Nigel Farage, how do you follow up being pictured on a Ukip-draped tank?

By greeting the latest Ukip defector to the Clacton, erm, neigh-bourhood, of course.  


Speculation that Ukip’s newest member was once an old Trot remains unconfirmed.

 

Tory in 'chateau bottled nuclear powered ****' rant searches for PA with sense of humour

News reaches Dot that the full-blooded Tory grandee Nicholas Soames is looking for a new PA.

The successful candidate should have all the usual qualifications, such “excellent organisational and administrative skills” and the ability to "work in a sensitive and confidential situation”.

Mr Soames also wants someone who is not easily offended. Or, as the job ad puts it, they should have “an excellent sense of humour”.

Why would this be? A clue perhaps lies in reports last year that Mr Soames told his Tory colleague Adam Afriyie: “You are a chateau bottled nuclear powered ****. You are totally f***ing disloyal, a f***ing disgrace to your party, your fellow MPs, your Prime Minister and your country.”

He then told The Mail on Sunday: "Yes, I was very robust in what I said to him, and yes, I did swear, but I have no regrets.”

What a joker! 

 

 

Poets cornered

 

Have Business Minister Matt Hancock’s attempts to join in the spirit of National Poetry Day just backfired?

Hancock's Twitter account retweeted the following poem:

 

The party run by young Ed

Is quietly going quite dead

Bereft of ideas

Quite full of queers

No wonder the fait[hful have fled]

 

It was subsequently deleted, but Politwoops has the details here.

UPDATE: 

Hancock has apologised for the tweet: 

 

 

Cam gets the Casetteboy treatment

Online parody superstars Casetteboy have rewarded David Cameron's conference speech with a spectacular mash-up of previous addresses that really has to be seen to be believed.

If you've ever wanted to see the PM pledge a "tax on sticking plasters" and talk up the Tories having the "bravery to bring back slavery", you're in for a treat.

Note: NSFW, as they say.