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Free School Truancy Officer

 

Having secured free school meals for all infant children, Nick Clegg opened up a new front in the battle for education credentials: who can be tougher on truancy. 

When a nine-year old boy named Rowan called into his LBC show to casually pick apart the Lib Dem flagship policy, Mr Clegg, one foot in his patrol car already, barked: “Why are you not at school Rowan?”

All fun and games? Oh no. Clegg went on: “No seriously, are you ringing from school?”

This was followed by a suspicious: “Where is your school?” Rowan, perhaps recalling those warnings about potentially dangerous strangers who should not be trusted, replied evasively: “Erm……. It’s in south London.”

“I quite understand you don’t want to tell me which school you are at,” Mr Clegg muttered through gritted teeth.  

Having failed to establish the child’s location his bat-like hearing kicked in and he broke off mid-sentence to declare triumphantly: “I have just heard your class bell go.”

As Rowan trotted off to class basking in the glow of going toe-to-toe with the Deputy Prime Minister, Mr Clegg reflected on the attributes – dodging a straightforward question, not really listening to replies, and the unshakeable belief that you know best at age nine – of his young opponent and spotted a potential recruit. “By the way you should really go into politics”... watch this space.

Bravo, Mr Andrew, Bravo

Posted without comment or judgement. 

Ice to meet Ed?

The Prime Minister has steered clear of the ice bucket challenge, but is the net now closing in on Ed Miliband?

Labour MP Stephen Twigg filmed himself being doused in ice cold water last week, and nominated his fellow Merseyside MPs Luciana Berger, Steve Rotherham and Ali McGovern.

Rising up the ladder, Labour’s leader of the House of Lords, Baroness Royall of Blaisdon, has also now taken up the challenge and has nominated Andy Burnham.

Dot is yet to hear whether the Shadow Health Secretary has accepted, but one man who has is the Shadow Chancellor. Ed Balls has tweeted that he will go for it on “Thursday AM”.

Surely none of Labour's top team would nominate their own leader...?

Labour minister hires 'eco Bank Holiday' proponent

Labour’s Maria Eagle has brought in a man who once proposed an ‘eco Bank Holiday’ as her new adviser.

The Shadow Environment Secretary hired former Greenpeace employee and Fabian Society researcher Natan Doron.

His green Bank Holiday proposal would see Brits given a day off in the middle of the week to celebrate community environment projects.

Doron, who lives in north London, co-authored a report entitled ‘No Right Turn’ which urged the Party to stick to Miliband’s broadly left-of-centre ideals and won favour with Guardian columnist Owen Jones.

Judging by his most recent tweets, Doron is certainly a fan of Ed Miliband, describing the Labour leader’s career as “a series of hurdles with him underestimated before going on to triumph.” 

 

Clegg: The Movie set for Channel 4

JFK, Lincoln, Nixon... Clegg. 

The Deputy Prime Minister is set to follow the American Presidents and be immortalised on film.

Channel 4 has announced it will screen a 90-minute-long drama depicting the life of Liberal Democrat leader in Government.

Acclaimed playwright James Graham will pen Coalition, which will depict the negotiations and machination that dominated the early days of the Conservative-Lib Dem Government.

The blurb for the one-off TV show states: “In May 2010, after decades of single party rule and amidst growing disillusionment, all eyes turned to one man. A man who found himself with the power to change the landscape of British politics - and his career - forever. But at what cost?”

Predictably, politicians and general wags have been keen to tweet about the news, using #CleggTheMovie 

Among those touted for the role of Clegg were Sean Bean, Michael McFadyen and, um, Miranda Hart.