Parent Trap: MPs Caught Between Their Jobs And Family Lives Demand Reform
Illustration by Tracy Worrall
13 min read
Should MPs have to choose between their jobs and their families? Sienna Rodgers talks to parents about why they are urging Parliament and their whips to modernise
Parenting while legislating? “Nightmare” is how one member of the new intake sums up the experience.
While most working parents struggle to balance their jobs with family life, MPs face an unusually complex set of challenges. Alongside long and irregular hours, many split their time between two homes – sometimes located at opposite ends of the country – and, with children involved, the usual security concerns are heightened.
There has long been a push for political parties and Parliament itself to alleviate these problems through modernisation. But reformers like Stella Creasy complain that progress has been painfully slow. Now the new parent-heavy 2024 intake of MPs, particularly Labour ones, is demanding change – fast.
Some challenges cannot be addressed via simple tweaks to parliamentary or party rules. “I had someone shout at me about Palestine the other day in the playground,” reports one new Labour MP, a father. “You expect your constituents to respect a reasonable boundary,” – yet too often they don’t, he says.
Another difficulty is when the children of MPs face tricky situations at school. “Colleagues warned me: they’ll talk about politics and flash a picture of the child’s parent on the whiteboard,” a senior MP and mother recalls from when she first arrived in Parliament.
“There are times when parents have voted for something that’s not popular, and the child gets it in the playground. That’s happened to a number of people over the years,” the Iraq War being a notable flashpoint. The same MP notes the ages at which she bought her children rape alarms.
While some politicians choose to put photos of their children on social media, many go out of their way to protect their privacy. The same MP says she would never even stand next to their partner in a wedding photo. Another MP, from the 2024 group, says his predecessor put pictures of his wife and children on leaflets, but he would never do the same, leading some constituents to assume he was gay.
“The main challenge,” the latter MP explains, “is logistics”: “If you’re an MP for out of London, getting people back and forth is a nightmare.”
Sarah Smith, the Labour MP for Hyndburn in Lancashire, had a four-month-old when she was first elected last year. She was lucky to secure a place in the House of Commons nursery, which by all accounts is oversubscribed (at least two members of the new intake did not manage to get their kids in). Leader of the Commons Lucy Powell, who happened to join her general election campaign launch and ask her about childcare plans, helped get the ball rolling on her application.
For the first few weeks, Smith had to make a nine-hour car journey each way between her constituency and Parliament. It is quicker to travel now her child is old enough for the train, but she says: “I ask colleagues, ‘When do you actually get your emails done?’ They say, ‘On the train’. I’m like, ‘That’s my time with my child.’ I have to find other ways to get all the work done… Is it a coincidence there aren’t loads of female MPs from the North West?”
For MPs representing constituencies beyond reasonable commuting distance, the early years often involve moving their families between their main home and second residence. Then, once children begin school, they may choose to base themselves in London.
They risk criticism from constituents, but the choice is unenviable: either they see their children Monday to Thursday in London for little snatches of time and one day at the weekend; or they are away four days a week and usually see their families only Friday evening if their surgery does not run too long, and around their weekend visits. In the latter situation, “Do you want to come to the village fête with me?” is sometimes the best they can offer. No wonder, as long-serving MPs often remark ominously, divorces are common.
Such decisions around how to structure their week contributed to the expenses scandal, when MPs were caught ‘flipping’ their homes, sometimes due to changing family circumstances. The choices they make around these arrangements go to the heart of what it means to be an MP: constituency first, or legislation first?
“I would love to know where I stand. Am I losing political capital when asking to be slipped to be at home?”
And the variation means finding a one-size-fits-all solution is hard. “For MPs who live in their constituency, they would much rather pack as much as they possibly can in on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, then be able to come home for Thursday, Friday. Whereas somebody who lives in London might want a nine to five, five days a week,” as one senior MP explains.
A 2024 intake Labour MP admits he was surprised by the lack of family time. “I was told it’s easy to go home on Wednesday evening and it’s not,” he says. “In an ideal week I get back in time to read the kids a bedtime story Thursday night.” But that has been rare of late.
With a dark laugh, he describes Parliament as an “open prison”, and calls for a more understanding approach – both from parliamentary authorities, who issued a telling-off when this MP answered a video call from their children on the Terrace, and from the whips, who are “not very good at pastoral care”.
“Right from the start, it was a baptism of fire,” says father-of-three Joe Powell, the Labour MP for Kensington and Bayswater first elected last year. His experience has been “fairly extreme”, he says, having had twins in the first week of the general election campaign.
“One thing I’m very conscious of is it is certainly easier for me than others, being an MP in west London, because I do go home every night. Even if very often the kids are asleep, that does make it somewhat more manageable,” he says.
All MPs who are parents are having “a fundamentally different experience”, Powell adds: “The second the final vote is done, I’m off.” (Another MP of the same intake notes with frustration: “The ‘rising stars’ go to parties and the right dinners, and you’re not able to do that as much as a parent.”)
“It would be good to have a bit more advice and support from those who have done it before, to help navigate. I would have found that helpful,” Powell says. He also suggests the whips could improve their approach.
“Some parents were hesitant initially to be asking for slips for things to do with family stuff, and perhaps it could be made more explicit that that is perfectly OK. In fact, the whips should be encouraging that, because people have got to strike a balance.”
Illustration by Tracy Worrall
Another backbench Labour MP, who prefers not to be named because “I want to be a minister!”, similarly says: “You should just know that it’s fine that on an average of X number of days, slips can be issued without any issue. Three-line whips can still be enforced, obviously. But I would love to know where I stand. Am I losing political capital when asking to be slipped to be at home?”
They describe the Labour whips’ office as “quite an old school operation”, which depends on “mystery”. “Alan is very agreeable,” the MP says of Chief Whip Alan Campbell, “but he’s a complete scholar of the older way of whipping – not ‘we’ve got files on you’ but he’s arm’s length, one step removed”.
The MP, who says they have spent just two-and-a-half days at home in the last three weeks, adds: “With parenting, it’s the little things. It does matter if I can be home Wednesday night. I’d sooner get in at 1am Thursday knowing that I’m there Thursday morning, even if it’s seeing them for 20 minutes before school.”
Smith, the Hyndburn MP, says she is generally slipped on a Wednesday, while her baby is still young. “In some ways, it’s brilliant, and I’m so grateful. In other ways, I shouldn’t need to feel grateful for it. We’ve got such a significant majority, there’s a way it could be managed quite fairly, so that members can get an evening to do childcare and bedtime.”
There appears to be an unwritten rule that Labour MPs can have an evening off voting when their child is under one, but it is widely acknowledged that such arrangements are made on a case-by-case basis – even with such a sizeable majority.
Creasy, the Labour MP for Walthamstow since 2010 and founder of the MotheRED project that offers financial support to mums wanting to be selected and elected as Labour candidates, makes the point that whips treat MPs’ requests for slips unevenly. “They use people’s ability to spend time with their families as a privilege – and those of us who have never been favoured by the leadership or the whips don’t get it,” she tells The House.
A source in the Labour whips’ office defends their practices, arguing that they let people go wherever they can and do their best to prioritise families, particularly parents with young children. They add that, while MPs who are parents would like to know as far in advance as possible whether they can be slipped, this is not always possible: the whips simply cannot say what the business will be on a Monday evening in two months’ time; and as for the timing of votes, a statement or urgent question being granted can easily move everything later. Plus, finishing early on Monday to Wednesday is only desirable for commuting MPs: “There isn’t a single formula that will please everybody.”
“This is madness, given we are a government pushing for flexible working”
Another focus is proxy voting. Although MPs can now apply for a proxy if they are new parents, have a long-term illness or injury, or have been excluded from the estate for reasons of risk, Creasy asks: “If my kid falls ill, what am I supposed to do?”
Resentment around the limits of the scheme intensified around the Third Reading Commons vote on assisted dying. MPs noted that Dan Norris, who was banned from the estate after being arrested on suspicion of rape, child sex offences and more, got a proxy vote via Labour whip Chris Elmore. Labour MP Adam Jogee could not get one, however, and had to pull himself away from the bedside of father-in-law who was dying (and who indeed died as he travelled back from the vote to his family). The pressure to extend eligibility for proxy votes is growing.
One ambitious modernisation proposal is electronic voting. It was backed by 62 MPs in a letter to Commons leader Lucy Powell in December, and advocates say that more MPs have expressed support since then, but the idea is not favoured by the Modernisation Committee.
“They’ve rejected electronic voting, but I don’t think that’s sustainable. What Parliament tends to do is to reject and then regret,” Creasy predicts. “We have the technology now to do it. So, it’s about the political will.”
Smith argues: “This is madness, given we are a government pushing for flexible working. We want more parents to recognise that they can manage their careers alongside families, and be good parents as well as good employees. We should be leading that from the front in Parliament.”
Sarah Russell, the Labour MP for Congleton who has three children, says: “I’d be pretty up for some remote voting, particularly on a Wednesday evening... It would enable us all to spend Thursdays in our constituencies and with our families.” She worked on maternity discrimination as a solicitor, and now chairs the APPG on family friendly and flexible working.
“It would be good for people to spend more time in their constituencies, full stop. It matters for our families, but I don’t think it only matters for our families, and I don’t think it only matters for parents.”
Some MPs are nonetheless sceptical about reforms that would allow them to avoid physically voting. “Remote voting may seem appealing, but we would still need to be tuning into House business, so we know what we are voting for – and that’s not quality time with family,” says Meg Hillier, the Labour MP for Hackney South and Shoreditch, who was the first minister to get maternity cover in 2009.
“Remote voting was proposed and rejected in 1997 because MPs realised they’d never get that level of contact with ministers without the lobby – it’s a great place to do business.”
Formalising a system of maternity leave is more controversial still, with some maintaining that this is only for employees, which MPs are not. They also point out the move may threaten the good deal they currently get: fully paid leave could become three to six months long, say, rather than the longer period they can choose to take now; and a formal set-up might not allow them to dip in and out of their duties in the same way.
Creasy was the first MP to hire a ‘locum’ to represent her while she took unofficial maternity leave, but she was told by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority she could not have the same arrangement for her second child. But this summer new Labour MP Luke Charters is set to become the first male MP to take extended parental leave, and will employ his office manager as a locum to cover his work. The locum scheme is becoming “established”, says Creasy.
Reforms such as call lists and grouping multiple votes together – to save MPs from walking round the lobbies for hours – are thought likely to be supported by the Modernisation Committee. Whether the parties enact the changes being demanded is another matter, however: whips are unlikely to want to give up any leverage, and The House understands that the Parliamentary Labour Party committee recently rejected an amendment to its rules that would have given MPs the right to request flexible working.
And while there is a definite push for modernisation, some MPs – particularly the women – are still wary of complaining. As Russell puts it: “It’s a well-paid job. It comes with prestige. It sounds very self-indulgent, when some people are really, really struggling, to be like, ‘poor me, it’s so difficult’. I enjoy this job and wouldn’t want people to think that I don’t know this role comes with immense privileges.”
But the new intake is full of hope. “This generation is different,” one MP says. “They’ve got a real opportunity to reform Parliament and make it better, because balanced people will make better decisions.”
