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Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary – 31 October edition

2 min read

A fond welcome to my readers. Tempus, as they say, very much Fugit, and it’s all change in the Gaming House: the Roulette Ball of Power has landed in the slot marked “Sunak”, for this week at least.

What larks we’ve endured to get here! We start with a gentleman much beloved of this periodical: the true leader of the country, Sir Graham Brady. You may dimly recall how, as the sun set on the Truss era, Sir Graham was obliged to make his way to No 10 and inform her the jig was up. Our man from the ‘22 is no tenderfoot: it was not his first rodeo this year after all. So he took his by now-standard secret route to No 10 in a bid to avoid the predatory scribes awaiting his arrival.

All went well, until a coach-load of friendly Chinese tourists - whom it appears had been watching the latest political carnage with interest - recognised Sir G, mobbing him and demanding a succession of “selfies”, thus granting the outgoing PM a very short stay of execution. Good to know our political turmoil is entrancing foreign observers to quite such an extent.

Farewell, for now, Boris Johnson. Mrs C wishes him well on his study of the Bard. And notes a little-read 2021 yarn in the (checks notes) Stratford Herald, about a leading Shakespeare expert who “got in touch to say he had been asked by Mr Johnson’s literary agent to ‘semi-dictate’ the content of the book to the prime minister.” He said no. Hopefully a collaborator steps up.

Mrs C is delighted to welcome her old friend Suella Braverman back to a Great Office of State. Not least because it affords her the chance to run her by-now customary entry on Suella’s time at university. You’ll recall we’ve already heard from the yearbook about her unfortunate habit back then of being rendered horizontal by the Demon Booze: on one alleged occasion in the middle of a road as a lorry approached. This week we hear from those days young Suella had “a penchant for interesting men,” and “lusted after a gentleman.. who will only be known as ‘Shaggy Bear’”. Shaggy, Mrs C’s email is below.

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Read the most recent article written by Mrs Crackenthorpe - Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary - 15 April