Let's empower the sports coaches who help boys feel listened to
4 min read
Sports coaches and PE teachers are trusted adults for boys outside of their families, but many lack the support they need to carry out this vital role.
It has been impossible to miss the political discourse this last year on issues affecting men and boys. Sparked by Stephen Graham’s Adolescence and increased awareness of the influence of ultra-masculine content creators like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, these discussions echo what we see in the data.
New More in Common research found that while political distrust is widespread, men are most likely to feel disillusioned with the status quo. While universal challenges like the cost of living drive pessimism among middle-aged men, for the youngest generation, disillusionment is more strongly connected to engaging in online debates around masculinity.
When asked about the biggest problems facing men in Britain, the risk of being falsely accused of sexual violence towards women ranked third. Over 30 per cent of men aged 18-24 perceived this to be a top issue, behind only the job market and their mental health. Other men’s issues, like a lack of fathers’ rights and the fear of not having their problems taken seriously, commanded the concern of 1 in 5 young men.
Despite the welcome attention on the challenges facing men and boys, for anyone with any experience of teaching or youth work, there has been a frustrating superficiality to much of the debate about solutions. Worse, it has often been counterproductive. I spoke to a headteacher who told me discussions about Adolescence had made boys in his school feel like society viewed them as bad or threatening.
When I think back to the young men I was able to have a positive impact on during my time in teaching, or leading Children's Services at a London council, a common thread was the quality of relationships they had. This observation may seem so simple as to be banal. For young people who are most primed to feel at risk, vulnerable, or mistrusting, of course, the extent to which they trust the key professionals in their life will have a fundamental impact on the effectiveness of those professionals’ work.
All too often in politics and policymaking, this fundamental truth that relationships are everything can be lost. We know that boys and men find it harder to make friends and have retreated into online worlds at a faster rate than girls. To build relationships, they need support to be vulnerable, to open up and to be themselves in a safe space.
I had the joy this week of joining Football Beyond Borders (FBB) for a session in a school to see what such a space looks like. FBB works with young people who are disengaged with school in single-sex spaces, supporting them to develop self-esteem, self-regulation and positive relationships. Far from validating misogynist narratives, I heard this group of boys speak about how they had taken responsibility for themselves by helping out at home without being asked, or provided a listening ear to a friend going through a hard time.
This conversation was facilitated by Andy, who, as well as coaching football, supports boys to open up about their emotions and reflect on their strengths and challenges. The boys in that room know they can count on him, or any member of staff, to provide a listening ear when they have a problem, because the school has committed to a Trusted Adult Guarantee. Every child is empowered to choose an adult in the school whom they trust, and know that if they go to that person with a problem, it will be taken seriously.
Sadly, this is far from a universal experience.
Nearly 1 in 5 children don’t have an adult they trust outside the family – nobody they would feel safe to turn to if something was wrong at home or with their mates. Those in the community who do play this role are often not well supported to take on the responsibility. Sports coaches are the most trusted adults for a quarter of boys, but they and other support staff often miss out on opportunities for training and progression that are available to teaching staff.
We have an important chance to put this right. Building off their extensive work with young people, FBB have convened The Lost Boys Task Force to call on us to empower the 200,000 PE teachers and football coaches in England with the training they need to be a trusted adult, and allow schools across the country to be far more proactively curious about the trusted adult relationships their students have.
In the run-up to International Men’s Day, it has been deeply moving to speak with young boys about the impact of these relationships, to transform their sense of self and, often, their lives. The Trusted Adult Guarantee offers us a powerful tool to ensure that, going forward, these young boys' transformative experiences can become the norm.
Alistair Strathern is the Labour MP for Hitchin.
