Recipes for disaster: Rachel Reeves (doesn't) make a cheese sandwich
3 min read
Robert Hutton may or may not get round to filing the piece he promised...
“What do you want for lunch?”
“I’m making a cheese sandwich.”
“You always say you hate cheese sandwiches when I offer to make them.”
“I do. But Rachel Reeves likes them.”
“You always say…”
“I know what I always say about Rachel Reeves, but I’m writing about her favourite lunch for The House.”
“I really don’t understand what that column is about.”
“The idea is that these meals reveal something significant about the politicians involved. And I made a solemn commitment to the editor that I would write about Rachel Reeves’ cheese sandwiches.”
“There’s no way he would have expected you to stick to that, though. Editors know that journalists promise all sorts of things when they’re trying to get commissioned.”
“When a writer promises their editor something, that’s a commitment they should take seriously, or expect to be punished at the next commissioning meeting.”
“Even if the editor knew there was no way that you were going to keep the promise?”
“Yes.”
“So, is there something special about this cheese sandwich then?”
“Cheddar between two slices of bread. She told Sky that it was an example of ‘living up to my sort of reputation of believing in value for money.’”
“Is that what she’s got a reputation for?”
“That’s what she’d like to have a reputation for. She said: ‘It doesn’t take long to make yourself a sandwich. And you save £5 for the process.’”
“Does she have a kitchen at the Treasury, then?”
“No, she goes to the flat in Downing Street.”
“So, her money-saving tip is ‘Work from home’?”
“I guess you could put it like that. Where’s the cheddar?”
“What cheddar?”
“The cheddar I need for the cheese sandwich that I have pledged to write a piece about.”
“Did you buy some?”
“I assumed there would be some in the fridge.”
“Isn’t there any?”
“No.”
“Why are you complaining to me?”
“I want people to understand the circumstances we are facing.”
“If you needed cheese for a cheese sandwich, you should have bought some.”
“This isn’t about relitigating old choices. It’s about being honest with the people about the consequences that those choices have had.”
“That you won’t be able to keep a promise you should never have made to write about a cheese sandwich you never wanted to have?”
“Since I made that promise, the world has thrown even more challenges my way. It is my job to deal with the world as I find it, not the world as I would wish it to be.”
“Are you going to go out and buy some?”
“There is a lot of speculation about the choices that I will make. Each of us must do our bit.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s my strongest signal yet that I might break my promise to write the piece.”
“Shouldn’t you just tell them if you’re not going to do it?”
“That’s not what today is about. They’ll find out if I’m keeping my promises when I file my piece.”
“What are you doing with that bread?”
“I think I might be able to construct a cheese sandwich with these leftovers.”
“Are any of them cheese?”
“No, but I’m going to tell the editor I’m keeping my promise.”
“I really don’t know why they don’t get rid of you.”
“Funny, that’s what people say about Rachel Reeves, too.”
