Sat, 6 March 2021

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Adult Lockdown Lessons For Home Schooling

Adult Lockdown Lessons For Home Schooling
6 min read

Much has been made of recent efforts to provide online courses for children stuck at home, from Oak Academy to BBC Bitesize. But less noticed is the online adult education programme that has sprung up in Parliament and on Twitter, as we rapidly educate ourselves in subjects as diverse as the 25th amendment of the US constitution and Belgian contract law.

With so many important issues to keep track of alongside our day jobs, many fear forgetting what they’re supposed to be learning at any given moment. So as a service to readers, The House magazine is proud to present the daily timetable of grown-up lockdown learning.

06:30
What Day Is It?
Sunday? Tuesday? Radio stations wake their listeners with the news that it is in fact somehow Thursday.
06:45
Wake Up Sheeple!
with Toby Young
Morning email writer Young explains his latest theories about viral transmission with the expertise and confidence that only an Oxford PPE degree can give you.
07:08
What Fresh Hell Is This?
with Alex Wickham
Catch up on the last night’s disasters with a pun-laden morning email from Politico, brought to you by some paragraph you quickly scroll past.
07:34
Actually I Got The Numbers A Bit Wrong But the Theory Is Sound,
with Toby Young
Sorry, not really a morning person. Take two zeroes off the end. Or maybe add them, I’ll get back to you.
08:10
Escape And Evasion
with Mishal Husain
Listen to the minister of the morning go through their paces on Radio 4, trying to avoid engaging with any questions at all.
09:00
Hilarious Histories
with Robert Jenrick and Lisa Nandy
The communities secretary and shadow foreign secretary team up to take viewers through a complete list of glorious moments of British history that they’ve been able to agree on.
09:04
Music: Sea Shanties
with Pete Wishart
When will the Wellerman come, and who is he, and does he know how many boys and men is three score and ten? The former Runrig keyboard player takes your questions, explaining that the answer to each one is a second independence referendum.
10:10
Playschool
with Gavin Williamson
Through the round window, schools will be running a mass-testing programme. Through the square one, they’ll be going to completely remote learning. Which one will it be? Presenter Gavin hopes to find out before airtime.
11:30
Fact or Fake
with Desmond Swayne
The white-maned Tory MP asks government scientists to explain vaccines to him. (Repeat.)
12:00
We’ve Been Very Clear
with the Prime Minister’s Official Spokesperson
Not strictly a lesson, as no one is likely to learn anything, but dial into the daily Lobby briefing to listen to the nation’s leading journalists being told that the Prime Minister’s office has nothing to add to what they’ve already said, that they aren’t going to go back into what they did say, and that the Prime Minister’s words speak for themselves.
13:00
Moral Philosophy
with Ursula von der Leyen
Can we change rules to suit ourselves? The EU Commission president discusses theoretical scenarios in which leaders who have made a bit of a mess of something might be justified in behaving badly to try and fix it. Simultaneous translation available.
13:45
The Young Report
Blogger Toby Young investigates whether hospitals are really full, by asking his Twitter followers.
14:00
Maths
with Keir Starmer
If I add half a million teachers to the pool of people needing vaccines in one week, how many people do I displace who would otherwise have received the vaccine that week?
15:00
Socratic Dialogues For The Ages
Dan Hodges and Peter Hitchens explore the deep complexities of lockdown policy in a no-holds-barred Twitter spat now entering its fourth month.
16:00
Who is Laurence Fox?
with Laurence Fox
Apparently he was a sidekick in a spin-off of something, but he isn’t any more. And he was married to someone, but he isn’t any more. And his uncle was in something. Doesn’t he have a slightly surprising brother-in-law? I don’t think he’s related to Liam. Or the Fantastic Mr. A half hour devoted to attempting to understand why there are so many articles about him, working solely from those articles. Continuing series.
17:00
Winning at PowerPoint
with Chris Whitty (left)
Chief Medical Officer Whitty, the one on the left, talks about his preference for tiny fonts and multiple images on a single screen. Could we have the next slide, please?
18:00
The Shameful Silencing of Toby Young
with Toby Young
Free speech inventor Toby Young looks at the curious case of Toby Young, a little-known 21st century scientist whose insights into virus testing were suppressed by a fearful government. Featuring Young’s biographer, Toby Young.
20:00
Personal, Social and Health Education
with Neil O’Brien
After updating the class on which teachers they should ignore, O’Brien will take part in a live discussion with Julia Hartley-Brewer titled: “Who Are You Calling A Bully? Maybe You Want To Step Outside And Say That.”
22:30
Robert Peston Investigates:
The Moon Landings
How come you can see the flag fluttering? And if Neil Armstrong was the first man on the Moon, who filmed him coming down the steps, eh? In search of answers, ITV’s political editor calls the Department for Transport.
TOMORROW
  • Build a wave machine with Priti Patel
  • Ethics in Journalism with Kemi Badenoch
  • Technology Lessons with Boris Johnson (viewer discretion advised)

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