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By Baroness Smith of Llanfaes
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Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary

2 min read

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – for juicy gossip and titbits to bring Mrs Crackenthorpe Christmas cheer.

Omicron stands little chance against the insatiable desire of SW1’s finest to guzzle free wine, courtesy of our city’s wonderfully generous think tanks and Whitehall mandarins. My spies have been everywhere this second Covid Christmas, feeding back the most tantalising tittle tattle – and no, they were not socially distanced. So, illicit No 10 parties and new-born babies aside, what was the talk of the town during the 2021 festive season?

Mrs C learnt last week that, much like herself, Northern Research Group lieutenant general Jake Berry has an old soul. The Braveheart of the North had to be appraised by patient hacks that in modern parlance a “DM” is a reference not to Doc Martens, comfortable as they are to slide into, but a “direct message”. Bless.

I was utterly delighted to learn that Keith Starmer is an avid fan of my House magazine musings. A mere three days after Mrs C exposed Loto’s alternative title among staffers – “the Wes Streeting Leadership Campaign” – the rising star was shot up the greasy pole to his new shadow health role.

Festivals were hit and miss this summer, with Britain’s millionaire Marxists devastated when Glastonbury was called off again. But Mrs C was thrilled to learn that a happy-go-lucky bunch of parliamentarians managed to escape to the city for a festival of their own. Mrs C would remind all who partake of the demon gin, the dreaded beer or anything that may conjure visions of Xanadu to heed the lessons of Mr Hogarth’s prints.

Poor Allegra Stratton. Like a darling little lamb the former Queen of COP was dispatched by Boris to the slaughterhouse for a post-briefing defenestration. Mrs C knows she’s in a minority when it comes to those feeling for the old girl, but she’s not alone. One Ed Miliband will surely shed a tear or two for his former comrade; the pair were so close before Stratton’s right-wing credentials emerged, there were rumours she was about to become his press secretary. 

Stay scandalous!

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Read the most recent article written by Mrs Crackenthorpe - Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary - 15 April