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Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary

Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary
2 min read

Mrs C is exhilarated after a long fortnight of SW1 bad behaviour and scurrilous tittle-tattle. As the PM finds himself wound up in the wrath of the Dark Lord Dom, the backdoor briefings, parliamentary bitching and snitching have left Mrs C almost tipsy from a surfeit of scandal. Here are just a few of the reasons why….

Those who have never had the pleasure of conversing with Christian Wakeford were stunned to see the Bury South MP dramatically cross the floor prior to PMQs. The former Tory’s big bold move sent shockwaves across Westminster – but Mrs C was naturally far from surprised. Wakeford has long held centrist views to rival those of even Sir Tony, despite his voting record sometimes indicating otherwise. What Mrs C found more noteworthy than the defection was the fact that supposedly instrumental in bringing it about was Wakeford’s close friend and aide to one “Beijing Barry” (he says he’s done nothing wrong by the by), Matthew Torbitt. Torbs, as he is fondly known, who worked for Red Baz seemingly under a donation payed for by (alleged) CCP spy Christine Lee, boasted on Instagram: “Persuasive powers pay off. I’ve finally achieved something in Parliament!” We await a statement of welcome from Diane Abbott welcoming him to the Socialist Campaign Group next. 

Mrs C cannot abide feuding among the sisterhood. So it was with some disappointment she was directed to a tweet by sometime No. 10 support bubbler Nimco Ali, as rumours of a confidence vote mounted: “I honestly can’t believe the audacity of @DehennaDavison. Girl get a grip,” she clucked. Could Ms Ali’s intemperate exhortation be linked to reports  Bishop Auckland’s MP has had something of a contretemps with our Glorious Leader’s wife over her apparent enthusiasm for one L. Truss, prompting a sad end to their “doggy playdates”? Mrs C is intrigued.

Mrs C is alerted to a conference call between patrician Cabinet Office officials and the common herd of local government officers to discuss an end to Covid restrictions. The lower orders were asked if they had any questions, to which one wag is reported to have asked: “Will No. 10 have a party, and will the PM know about it?” A lesson in keeping the rank outsiders of the regions at arm’s length, perhaps.

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Read the most recent article written by Mrs Crackenthorpe - Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary - 13 May

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