Sat, 25 June 2022

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Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary

Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary
2 min read

Despite the inclusion of a recess (yawn), thus far February has been nothing short of scintillating for Mrs C. Crude and callous as ever, my SW1 darlings have been on especially frisky form during the month of St Valentine. Here’s why…

As an admirer of all things impotent and immature, particularly stemming from elected officials paid £81,000 to better Britain, Mrs C was utterly delighted to hear a certain secret mission is being undertaken in the Commons. 


A spicy selection of Labour MPs is thought to have been busy playing a dirty little game in which they aim to get the filthiest phrases from Urban Dictionary transcribed into the historic pages of Hansard. I’m told among the ostensibly innocuous slang on their hit list are the terms “lefty cappuccino” and “arctic pipe”. Mrs C will leave the innocent among her readership to do the Googling. 

Mrs C adores the Brit Awards. Not, I hasten to add, for its crap music, but for the naughtiness it inspires among Westminster’s finest. Mrs C was delighted to watch Matt and Gina boogie the night away, arm-in-arm Dirty Dancing style. 

She was also intrigued to witness certain Members harking back to their glory days by throwing shapes with young staffers… An excellent evening all round. 

There is nothing nice about the prospect of WWIII breaking out. Nothing nice, that is, except for Cumbrian Tory politicians experiencing the excitement of their home city of Carlisle playing host to a phone call between the PM and POTUS. 

Obvs no one wants to witness Putin go on a mad one in Ukraine, but who doesn’t love to see the Lake District shine during such a crucial moment for global security? God bless.

Mrs C received a delicious little morsel in her mailbox the other day about a certain MP’s extracurricular activities – sadly m’learned friend tells her she can’t repeat it at this stage, but do keep up the good work, tipsters! 

Do send further scandal and intrigue my way: [email protected]


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