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Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary

Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary
2 min read

The Easter break seems not to have soothed MPs’ nerves, with everyone on most scratchy form as they braced for Parliament to be prorogued. As ever, Mrs C was kept busy by her informants’ raucous and ridiculous rumours. Of the tea I can spill publicly, here’s what’s perked my interest this week…

The Conservative Whips Office has been kept very busy over the past few weeks, and rightly so. With many important matters requiring Chris Heaton-Harris’ attention you would hope Tory MPs – the good ones – would do their bit to make the poor man’s life easier. Apparently not. Mrs C rolled her eyes when she was told a naughty backbencher had to apologise to the Chief Whip for missing a division because they were caught up explaining to visiting students the ramifications of... missing a division.

The dead cat, sorry, major scandal that is Keith Starmer’s alleged Durham lockdown beer, continues to cause drama in SW1 – but at least some remain dedicated to the cause of peace. Mrs C hears that when fur flew in Strangers between two of the city’s MPs, Mary Kelly Foy and her Conservative neighbour Ric Holden, the SNP proved unlikely peacemakers. Mary’s pal Cat Smith, a known supporter of cross-party cooperation, was summoned by her Nat friends and calmed things down. Never a dull moment in Strangers, it seems. 

Mrs C’s heart goes out to Nigel Evans, who has been dealing with a rather irritating problem. The Deputy Speaker had his identity stolen by an anonymous individual on Instagram. Posing as Evans, the fraudster promoted cryptocurrencies, leaving the MP in some distress as he desperately sought ways to have the account taken down. Mrs C is sure Matt Hancock is as baffled as she is as to why the Westminster techno- king himself was not chosen as the perfect politician to troll in the cause of crypto promotions.

Mrs C wholeheartedly supports healthy and consensual Westminster romances, and is therefore devastated to learn a Westminster worker broke off their amour fou with an MP after receiving a lousy £20 gift card as a birthday pres. A wholly inadequate gift from a paramour on an £80 grand salary, Mrs C agrees.

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Read the most recent article written by Mrs Crackenthorpe - Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary - 13 May

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