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Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary

Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary
3 min read

IT was 300 years ago – a mere blink of the eye in parliamentary terms – that I last took up cudgels to entertain London town with the wit and wisdom gleaned on my forays through society.

My Female Tatler became a must-read in Westminster and beyond, my bomblets of tittle tattle entertaining, scandalising and amusing in equal measure. So it is with great delight that I can divulge that the kind people at The House magazine have invited me to resume my humble scribblings. Once again, I shall bestride our great city – or at least the broiling cesspit of Westminster that is our little corner of it – seeking out scurrilous stories and lifting the lid on the secrets you naughty politicians wish to keep to yourself. I am told that rather than relying on the postal system, these days you deploy the wonders of something termed the internet to keep up-to-date. I even have my own “email” address, to which I cordially invite you to send all your most salacious gossip. In 1700s, I was known as “the lady that knows everything”. It is a title I am proud to own once more.  

Labour staffers are now referring to LOTO as the “Wes Streeting Leadership Campaign”. “There’s only so long staffers can battle with LOTO for airtime for their bosses while seeing Streeting seemingly everywhere,” an SW1 source says. One trusts his new job title will keep young Wesley busy for the next few months, at least. 

Tory Brexit rebels past and present are due to unite for a Christmas bash, hosted by the sadly missed Margot James. Included on the guest list are fellow Brexit losers Amber Rudd, Stephen Hammond and David Lidington. No FOMO, as the kids call it, on Mrs C’s end. 

Mrs C hears the Socialist Campaign Group is on the hunt to anoint a successor to enchanting patriarch Jeremy Corbyn. They seek someone to represent the far left should Keith – or “Keir Starmer” as I believe he is known to some - fail to ride the wave of our desperately chaotic PM’s current unpopularity. It seems, however, that the usual suspects have been discouraged from throwing their hat into the ring. Mrs C understands top SCG lieutenants are looking for a Trojan Horse – an MP who shares their charming world view, but would be less likely to scare the horses, sorry, electorate. Bad luck, Ricky Burgon. Potential candidates require a clean public relations record and shouldn't be tainted by any former association with the SCG. That's going to be easy then. 

Mrs C understands Andrew Bowie has chosen The Times and Andrew Marr to inflict with his laments about the current Tory leadership. How honest these tell-all interviews will be remains to be seen, but Mrs C encourages the outgoing Vice Chairman to speak with the same air of honesty he employs in the Red Lion.  

Stay scandalous!

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Read the most recent article written by Mrs Crackenthorpe - Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary – 14 November edition