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Mon, 30 January 2023

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Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary

Mrs Crackenthorpe's Diary

Mrs Crackenthorpe

2 min read

‘Tis natural, in these frostbitten times, for Mrs C to find morsels of titillation hard to come by, as her moles cloister by the hearth and shudder in anticipation of the gas man’s bill. Her readers are – as ever – encouraged to send her epistles, in utmost confidence. While she awaits your bulletins, here is January’s muck, well-raked…

Westminster watchers were horrified when a piccy of adorable Sky deputy pol ed Sam Coates’s decaying shoes and socks went viral. As she puts quill to paper for this latest journal entry, whom should Mrs C spy a table away in PCH but Mr Coates? A cursory glance down and – we are happy to report an intact if somewhat grotty pair of brown trainers now adorn the loveable newshound’s feet. They are, a Sky News source tells us, “on rotation” with another pair of black trainers, “until he finally buys decent shoes”. Who says Twitterstorms are without merit?

To Sir Lindsay Hoyle’s hacks’ drinks, where the host is as convivial and the canapés as cultivated as ever. And a £37,000 portrait of John Bercow, its bare cartouche – reserved for a Lords styling – watching over all. Will it come down? Mrs C could never advocate for the erasure of history. Retain and explain!

Mrs C wishes to offer thanks on behalf of one of her lobby colleagues to no less a gentleman than the Prime Minister himself for his touching Christmas card. She wishes to make it clear that the fact said card arrived on 19 January is not – in any way – emblematic of a Britain which is falling apart at the seams.

You may remember how we briefly had a prime minister called Liz Truss. We are intrigued to hear of a development re. the thorny question of whether 49 days in power is enough to earn the privilege of a resignation honours list. It seems Liz is of the view that it is – which raises the question of who could warrant ennobling. Mrs C posits the cleaners of No 10 might be deserving of a seat among the lords and ladies. They did more to clean up Downing Street after her predecessor departed than any of Liz’s advisers…

All driplets of scurrilous info gratefully received at: MrsCrackenthorpe@protonmail.com

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